I Go In Cycles

How can one be presumtuous enough to judge someone off of pictures and descriptions? Well I can, towards certain types of people. When people are attempting to be a certain way they naturally aren't (characteristically) in a subtle fashion, it can easily become much worse than if they were just straight forward with their intention. For some undisclosed, potentially fucked up reason, They tend to mold their pictures/profile on facebook (or any other social networking site) a certain way without seeming desperate or purposeful, it becomes the most desperate in reality (to me). Maybe I'm just straight up wrong to be so judgemental, but instinctual behavior may be life saving. Why am I talking about other people now? Cause I'm not really- it applies more to myself and how other people treat me...

For instance, James thinks I'm an idiot,  and this may be warranted in some regard- I've acted or said things that we're out of place or just straight up retarded around him, but in total, I'd have to disagree- I'm not an idiot. There's a difference between thinking something about someone before hand, and acting upon your presumption. He does the latter. Which makes him an asshole in this regard. Asshole.

Parker thinks that I'm intense and make absolute judgements and adhere to them. I asked him today if I snapped at him when I responded to his statement. He said yes. Regardless of whether or not the last part is true, the first observation isn't true, and I disagreed wholeheartedly- but I do acknowledge his second judgement- I might just one of the most intense people he's ever met. I do intense things not because I want to adhere to an absolute truth or belief, but because I am tired of acting passively. I'm calculative, so when the time comes to be active, I assume all responsibility of my action (if I chose to follow my judgement/calculation, if I don't lose my balls) and provide a decisive answer/responding action. Regardless, this answer isn't an absolute, as I'll state one more time. I'll always leave room for variance and flexibility, but if I want to get anywhere in terms of acting, I guess I may come off as explosive and absolute.

It's true that I'm usually inactive when it comes to doing things, but it's mainly because I don't do things gradually- or I do, but just in my head. What kind of examples could I provide regarding these things? I'm talking about my life here, and it's my blog- I'm allowing myself to be as abstract as possible. Another reason for this 'intensity' may be due to my tendency to snap even after gradual decline of positive emotion. In other words, I don't have to pent up emotion to snap (although it may aid in my snapping occasionally). Fortunately, I don't consider myself 'snappy'. 

Once again, who knows, these justifications I am making may be equally as bad as how my friends and enemies (goddamnit James) interpret these qualities I'm justifying. If I'm so convinced that I know so little, why would I even bother with explanations- or attempts at them? 1. Because I can and 2. Because it doesn't matter if I'm right or wrong, if everything is so subjective. My purpose is to find the ultimate balance and be able to live without leaning too heavily towards the extremes, belief wise. See, this in itself is an intense belief, in the sense that I'm behaving in a way that is affected by this logic, which is deductive but not absolute- so what do I do when I hate being wrong (or even just potentially wrong) about my judgments, and still end up with a belief that I don't know whether or not I should adhere to? I'll live with it and find out what ends up having the best result. Although I hate talking about life as one singular thing, I'd like to just for this one example: Life seems like a huge experiment, and the only thing you can do is reap the best positive results for yourself- even if those means are helping others, it is always reflected upon back to your own purpose- if you're human. I think. Goddamnit.