Renew

I haven't posted in ages, but that is okay. I'm going to explode all over this post within the next 27 minutes (the amt of battery I have left on this laptop).

School is essentially over. We have finals week, then graduation on Friday. To me, finals week is not even a real week. I haven't had too many good friends over the course of high school, and hardly participated in any extracurricular or academic endeavors strongly, but everything I've fucked up in ended up creating more than I could ever hope for. Although I know my talent is very controversial (in the sense that it could be greatly appreciated or disliked), I appreciate it for being a talent that I can pursue without grimacing or bitching. My state of mind is not totally secure at the moment, but I can feel strongly and realistically about all of this for at least the next week and the week after graduation.

Getting a job only solidifies my existence outside of high school. The entire concept of saving money to live on your own stems from money. Although the saying "money isn't everything" is metaphorical, it's true in the literal sense. If you'd like to pursue your goals, you need money to live on your own, buy materials (art, music, academic etc.) and invest (in the bank or in your future). The core of needing money to pursue any goal is not depressing to me because it generally doesn't alter the outcome of many peoples growth including myself (unless severely disadvantaged from birth). Still there are success stories from those types and I believe in them, because they are usually the most inspiring and 'real' out of all.

This day has allowed me to recognize my faults and my commendable traits. I realized that I'm not a kid anymore and the things I do hold weight to not only myself but those around me. I'm not saying that because of the graduation taking place so soon, but the concept of everyone leaving, and me having to start from scratch with this matter. This post is unbelievably cathartic although convoluted. I must restate once again that I am not in a stable mindset.

The future is ours and fucking up immensely will usually lead to epic successes. I will be grateful for all these. Some particular people I know are going to make some change in their respective fields. I hope to become one of them, but I cannot have absolute confidence in this because 1. I am not egotistical enough and 2. I am realistic. I save my realism for myself and hope for others. If anybody needs to be truthful, it's one towards him/herself.

We'll live and during these times of acceptance (more so than ever before) we are actually more free to pursue different goals. I just hope that everyone is willing to risk as much as possible to achieve them. Failure is imminent if risks are canceled out and disregarded completely. But as people grow up I believe that they have the understanding that there is not other way to go. At least the smart ones. I hope my many of my friends are those people, or will become those people. I am going to try hard- much harder than I am now. I will live hard and hopefully die hard.

To reach people you have to live beyond race and culture. I HOPE WE CAN DO IT TOGETHER. I HOPE WE WILL SUCCEED AND FAIL TOGETHER. NO EXAGGERATIONS. I HAVE HOPE. AND THAT'S WHAT MATTERS. SOMETIMES LOGIC NEEDS TO BE THROWN ASIDE.