Going to community college makes sense to me now since all the schools I want to apply to are, for the most part, unrealistically expensive. But I've been disenchanted, and I thought that I was the only one. I mean, out of all of my better friends, I decided to go to CC.
I learnt recently that this wasn't true at all. I wasn't the only one who was disenchanted for whatever reason. A friend of mine became a college stoner, something that really isn't a big deal to most people and occurs all too often. It brought up this years old concept that we've all heard: ignorance is bliss. I've been surrounded so often by my friends who are usually completely amazing people, not just in character but in terms of what they pursue and how they go about doing so. Because I've been around these people for the most part, seeing an old friend of mine that shares no values or understanding of, well, pursuing any endeavor totally blew my mind. By blowing my mind I mean making me feel like complete shit.
This friend of mine has had girl problems and difficulty coping with the fact that he would need to create totally new friends in a totally new environment-- something that makes complete sense for most freshmen in college. But instead of meeting people he would like to meet, his inactive personality took whatever he could that was given to him-- mediocre people and weed.
Instead of finding an effective method of coping, he instead stubbornly insisted on doing nothing. Although I am not one to preach about 'giving back to the community', smoking weed, playing video games, doing poorly in school and expending resources seems a little unfair to everyone who, at least to some extent, "earns" their stay. In the most brutal interpretation of what I just said, it may be sort of saying who "deserves" to live(?) But don't get me wrong here-- i'm not saying my friend deserves to die. What i'm meaning to say is that all his goals and intentions and reasons for existing seem to be ignored simply for the fact that he doesn't want to deal with it anymore. Before all he wanted to do was 'procreate and have a family', something that I thought was totally weird to begin with, and totally doesn't make sense with my personal set of values because I haven't thought about it enough. Regardless of whether his values match up with mine, he seemed to have a reason to exist. Now he's either given it up, or has totally ignored it.
To be honest, he might just be in a bad place right now, and I'm probably being a gigantic fucking douchebag. But at the same time, it pisses me off when all I hear my friend talk about is smoking pot or how much pot he's going to smoke.
And secondly, I'm holding a bit of a grudge. He openly admitted that he wasn't helping me last night when I was puking my guts out, even when complete strangers were. I feel as if I were more of his responsibility than some strangers at least.
I'm just venting right now but blogging feels pretty nice at this point.
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